Hello my faithful readers. I have been away for too long. The truth is, I've cheated on you. The time I would normally spend here has been replaced. Not with bad things, but my life has been overtaken by them, and I am now realizing that I need to slow down and reincorporate time for the great stuff in my life I have left behind.
As I'm sure most of you know, I am now a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant! I LOVE it! But, typical for me, I have immersed myself in it. Mary Kay is not bad by any means, and it is not bad for me - I simply need to slow down a bit so I can do other things I love as well!
Mary Kay Ash built her company on the principal, "God First. Family Second. Career Third." I cherish that statement, but, unfortunately, I feel like I have reversed it. What I need to do is bring my focus back to God - not so much of God using me. God used me even when I didn't know I was being used. Now, I feel like I've got a "big head" about how God is using me (like I know, right?)
So, after this week is over, I am going to S L O W down. I am going to open up my "A Confident Heart" book again, and start over. I am going to go to church on Sundays, and I am going to spend time with my family. Career can't be first. It doesn't work that way.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Better Alone
About a week ago I had an epiphany while journaling.
I press "shuffle" on iTunes while journaling because I am an aural learner. Music stimulates my brain while writing and allows the aforementioned epiphany.
Anyhow... while writing, the song "Better Alone" by Carolina Liar came on.
"You think you're better alone, for the sake of your sanity."
Does this apply to you as well as it does to me?
Do you love to help and encourage others but pull into yourself and try to fix your own issues without consulting anyone? Maybe even God?
I do. It is one of my biggest downfalls - perfection. I give everything my best, and in return expect perfection. Even if it's something "others won't notice," I still try to fix it.
About a month ago, my cousin, Elisabeth, told me a quote that occasionally creeps into my mind when I'm having a perfection moment. The quote is "Done is better than perfect."
Even when you try your best but fall short - Done is better than perfect.
When you're looking back thinking about something you could have done differently - Done is better than perfect.
When your "want to" list is longer than your day (even if you do skip meals and sleep) - done is better than perfect.
I hope this helps with the stressful places in your lives, it is making slow progress in mine.
Also, I fixed the problem with comments, so if you like the post, please comment!!!!
I press "shuffle" on iTunes while journaling because I am an aural learner. Music stimulates my brain while writing and allows the aforementioned epiphany.
Anyhow... while writing, the song "Better Alone" by Carolina Liar came on.
"You think you're better alone, for the sake of your sanity."
Does this apply to you as well as it does to me?
Do you love to help and encourage others but pull into yourself and try to fix your own issues without consulting anyone? Maybe even God?
I do. It is one of my biggest downfalls - perfection. I give everything my best, and in return expect perfection. Even if it's something "others won't notice," I still try to fix it.
About a month ago, my cousin, Elisabeth, told me a quote that occasionally creeps into my mind when I'm having a perfection moment. The quote is "Done is better than perfect."
Even when you try your best but fall short - Done is better than perfect.
When you're looking back thinking about something you could have done differently - Done is better than perfect.
When your "want to" list is longer than your day (even if you do skip meals and sleep) - done is better than perfect.
I hope this helps with the stressful places in your lives, it is making slow progress in mine.
Also, I fixed the problem with comments, so if you like the post, please comment!!!!
Monday, June 10, 2013
Be Still Pt. 1
The other day my Mom told me my Pap-pap use to say, "She's a busy little somebody. She's always doing something." Well, I'm here to tell you that that statement could not have described me better - both as a child and as an adult.
Multitasking is sometimes an understatement when it comes to all of the tasks I take on at once. For example, it is impossible for me to read one book at a time (usually 3 is what I manage). I also typically work on four crafting projects at a time, join multiple small groups, and partake in multiple devotion books/programs at once. To clarify, I don't read 3 books for a while and then switch to crafting. No, all of this multiple multitasking is done simultaneously.
I am challenged by the command from God, "Be still, and know that I am God." As you can guess, stillness is not in my vocabulary. Even when going to bed I usually have my Nook open and am reading a book until my sleeping meds kick in. (Funny side note: I have to password my purchases on my Nook because I take Ambien and I have previously downloaded books and magazines in my sleep with no recollection in the morning.
So, if you are like me and typically spend your supposed "quiet time" with God on the go or while also partaking in an activity that splits your focus, I want to challenge you to do this with me:
Go to a quiet room and shut the door, pray for God to open your eyes and to bless the time you are giving to Him only. If you have to go to this place a couple times a day because of time constraints, that's fine. I am going to do this too. In a week, I will check back and update on my life and my relationship with God.
Love you all.
Multitasking is sometimes an understatement when it comes to all of the tasks I take on at once. For example, it is impossible for me to read one book at a time (usually 3 is what I manage). I also typically work on four crafting projects at a time, join multiple small groups, and partake in multiple devotion books/programs at once. To clarify, I don't read 3 books for a while and then switch to crafting. No, all of this multiple multitasking is done simultaneously.
I am challenged by the command from God, "Be still, and know that I am God." As you can guess, stillness is not in my vocabulary. Even when going to bed I usually have my Nook open and am reading a book until my sleeping meds kick in. (Funny side note: I have to password my purchases on my Nook because I take Ambien and I have previously downloaded books and magazines in my sleep with no recollection in the morning.
So, if you are like me and typically spend your supposed "quiet time" with God on the go or while also partaking in an activity that splits your focus, I want to challenge you to do this with me:
Go to a quiet room and shut the door, pray for God to open your eyes and to bless the time you are giving to Him only. If you have to go to this place a couple times a day because of time constraints, that's fine. I am going to do this too. In a week, I will check back and update on my life and my relationship with God.
Love you all.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Praise be to God!
A lot has happened since my last post. I apologize for the delay in posting, but I have been very busy. Here is what has been going on:
Cancer update: I had my PET scan last Wednesday, May 22nd. I woke up that morning feeling God's presence and hearing scriptures roll around in my head. Scriptures such as "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." So I called my mom upstairs and we prayed together. I have been reading in my devotional about praying God's promises back to him because he will not go back on something that is already been promised. There for that is what I did. I prayed scriptural promises including " where two or three are gathered in my name..." " by his wounds we are healed" and the one previously mentioned.
The scan results show that the 3 diseased spots I have left are less active and smaller. My doctor is leaving me off of treatments so that I can focus on physical therapy. I will re scan in 3 months unless something crazy happens before then. Praise God! It is completely through His will and His glory that he has healed me to this point and I deserve no credit whatsoever.
Physical therapy: PT has been going great! I can see great improvements in the movement I have with my ankles and stamina in my balance and walking. Might therapist says she can see a great improvement each session, and I feel more confident and going out and socializing with others.
Non-medical life: well not at therapy or doctors appointments I have picked up a new hobby - inspired by my best friend, Angela. What is it you ask? Crochet. I used to do it to pass my free time in middle school and high school, and decided to pick it back up again. Here are some pictures of what I am currently working on.
I also just started a lapghan for my dad's birthday, but it is not progressed enough to show a picture of it :-)
I hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend. Mine was a blast! we went to Summersville and had a cookout with our neighbors there. Made some great memories and got a bad sunburn lol.
Until next time.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
It's a Good Thing Humans Aren't God
Have you ever became uncontrollably frustrated with someone because it seems they won't listen to your advice, and they keep making the same mistakes, putting them right back where they started? Well, I have. Sometimes I get so frustrated I want to take the person and shake them - so you should be thankful I am not God.
God loves us so much and is so patient with us that it doesn't matter that I'm about to try this intimate quiet devotion and prayer time for what seems like the billionth time. I try to carve out my quiet time first thing in the morning. I pray, read my Bible, and read some of whatever Bible Study book I am participating in at the time - or I might journal if I feel like it. However, Satan is cunning and deceiving. Occasionally I decide to have quite time in the living room so that I don't go back to sleep on the bed. This living room has my computer with super easy access to Facebook, the big screen TV with Xfinity OnDemand waiting to play my favorite shows I have missed, and my PS3, along with a stack of my favorite games that are begging me to play them for hours upon hours.
So I compromise. Satan says, "It's okay. You won't be able to focus on God with your mind stuck on electronics, so go ahead. You have all day to have your quiet time." In reality, I have all day to Facebook, watch TV, and play games - usually that time in the morning is the best devotional time I can get all day.
Satan does such a good job at this that I don't even notice what's happening until I feel different - disconnected from God. I go to pray and suddenly I'm at a loss for words because I know I've messed up again and the only person to blame is me. I know that if the roles were reversed I would be fuming with frustration and 2 seconds from saying "don't even try anymore because it's not worth it."
Praise God because instead He says, "It's okay. Let's try again, and let me help you even more this time. We will get it someday."
Micha 7:18-19
"Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever, but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea."
Dear Father,
If there is someone reading this who has fallen back to an old habit away from you, Lord, please give them the strength to throw it away and to call on your name to try again. They may not get it this time either, Lord, but you are a God of mercy and forgiveness. You will help them until they get it right.
I ask this all in Jesus' name.
Amen.
God loves us so much and is so patient with us that it doesn't matter that I'm about to try this intimate quiet devotion and prayer time for what seems like the billionth time. I try to carve out my quiet time first thing in the morning. I pray, read my Bible, and read some of whatever Bible Study book I am participating in at the time - or I might journal if I feel like it. However, Satan is cunning and deceiving. Occasionally I decide to have quite time in the living room so that I don't go back to sleep on the bed. This living room has my computer with super easy access to Facebook, the big screen TV with Xfinity OnDemand waiting to play my favorite shows I have missed, and my PS3, along with a stack of my favorite games that are begging me to play them for hours upon hours.
So I compromise. Satan says, "It's okay. You won't be able to focus on God with your mind stuck on electronics, so go ahead. You have all day to have your quiet time." In reality, I have all day to Facebook, watch TV, and play games - usually that time in the morning is the best devotional time I can get all day.
Satan does such a good job at this that I don't even notice what's happening until I feel different - disconnected from God. I go to pray and suddenly I'm at a loss for words because I know I've messed up again and the only person to blame is me. I know that if the roles were reversed I would be fuming with frustration and 2 seconds from saying "don't even try anymore because it's not worth it."
Praise God because instead He says, "It's okay. Let's try again, and let me help you even more this time. We will get it someday."
Micha 7:18-19
"Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever, but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea."
Dear Father,
If there is someone reading this who has fallen back to an old habit away from you, Lord, please give them the strength to throw it away and to call on your name to try again. They may not get it this time either, Lord, but you are a God of mercy and forgiveness. You will help them until they get it right.
I ask this all in Jesus' name.
Amen.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Sometimes I'm a Big Chicken
I pride myself on being a tough girl - "tough as nails" as my Oncologist puts it. Sometimes the attributes in which one takes pride is the undoing of that person.
The PET scan I was scheduled for today ended up with lots of tears, rescheduling, and then ice cream from Sonic at the end. I chickened out, plain and simple. Why?
I am about to tear down a wall I usually put up, so this may be a new side of me for some people.
I fail myself - a lot. Sometimes all of my medical issues I've been having for 6 years really gets to me and makes me depressed. Sometimes I look into the future and see nothing because there is still no visible end to this vicious cycle called cancer. Usually it doesn't get to me, but when it does I put up a wall with a smile on it to hide the cracks in my composure.
Today was one of those failure days. Normally PET scans do not have an affect on me, and it wasn't the PET scan I feared. It was the unknown - what the results would bring. I haven't had a treatment in 2 months, and I have made SO MUCH progress in physical therapy. Everyday my therapist tells me she sees an improvement, and I see it too. I have more stamina, I can stand without always needing to hold onto something, etc. Suddenly there's more hope in being able to do normal things than ever before.
And then the PET scan. History has shown that whenever Im off a treatment something happens to make the cancer grow/spread and I have to go back on treatments. My treatment is at least part of the reason I'm in physical therapy for Neuropathy, balance, intrinsic weakness, etc.
That unknown I am afraid of is what will happen if I'm put back on that treatment? Or, even still, what will happen if I'm left without treatment?
I'm not trying to play the "what if" game - I'm a believer of "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it," but I don't want to have to cross it. I'm desperately looking for a detour around this bridge, Unfortunately there is none to be found.
The PET scan I was scheduled for today ended up with lots of tears, rescheduling, and then ice cream from Sonic at the end. I chickened out, plain and simple. Why?
I am about to tear down a wall I usually put up, so this may be a new side of me for some people.
I fail myself - a lot. Sometimes all of my medical issues I've been having for 6 years really gets to me and makes me depressed. Sometimes I look into the future and see nothing because there is still no visible end to this vicious cycle called cancer. Usually it doesn't get to me, but when it does I put up a wall with a smile on it to hide the cracks in my composure.
Today was one of those failure days. Normally PET scans do not have an affect on me, and it wasn't the PET scan I feared. It was the unknown - what the results would bring. I haven't had a treatment in 2 months, and I have made SO MUCH progress in physical therapy. Everyday my therapist tells me she sees an improvement, and I see it too. I have more stamina, I can stand without always needing to hold onto something, etc. Suddenly there's more hope in being able to do normal things than ever before.
And then the PET scan. History has shown that whenever Im off a treatment something happens to make the cancer grow/spread and I have to go back on treatments. My treatment is at least part of the reason I'm in physical therapy for Neuropathy, balance, intrinsic weakness, etc.
That unknown I am afraid of is what will happen if I'm put back on that treatment? Or, even still, what will happen if I'm left without treatment?
I'm not trying to play the "what if" game - I'm a believer of "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it," but I don't want to have to cross it. I'm desperately looking for a detour around this bridge, Unfortunately there is none to be found.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Great, but Exhausting Week
I have never felt more blessed by God than I did this week. Between my two AWESOME small groups and the way God worked my week out for me, I cannot be happier or praise Him more!
The week started pretty sucky because I started getting a sore throat (which usually takes me out for week or more). Thank God I was better enough by Tuesday to go to my PT appointment to try out the new braces and electro devices they had for me. I was skeptical about the braces from past experience, but it actually turned out well. I am now waiting for an appointment to have them shaped specifically for me. The function of the brace is to help me pull the front of my foot up while I walk so that they don't drag and make me trip.
I also received an empi device for electro therapy. It is designed to stimulate my nerves and muscles so they strengthen and respond better to the signals from my brain when I'm trying to flex my feet. So far I have used it twice a day with some slight involuntary toe/foot movement. Right now I am on a trial basis with this device. If we decide it helps, hopefully my insurance will pay for it. If not, I bet it's a very very pretty penny.
In addition, I know she doesn't read this, but my therapist, Corrie, is really awesome. I came to her this week asking about working it out for me to go to Summersville this weekend, and she worked it out with no problem! She is awesome, and God couldn't have found a better person for me to be working with right now.
Friday was a great night, I will add the video to prove it soon.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Reprieve from a Season of Waiting
For the last several months I've been hearing the word "wait" as the answer to my prayers about my various treatments.
Recently, God opened the door to the Physical Therapy Department in the HSC (Health Sciences Center) and to my new therapist (whom I love), Corrie. She is absolutely awesome and works hard with me to see progress. Then, she rejoices with me over my achievements! I don't think I could ask for a better therapist.
This past week, Corrie invited a doctor of Orthopedics to evaluate me at one of my sessions. They were discussing what kind of braces/electo-therapy to try. In the end we decided to readjust my current night splints, as well as trying a new brace to help my feet to move correctly while I'm walking. Plus, we are going to try the FES (Functional Electrical Stimulation) device on a trial basis to see if it works. We are going to start all of these as trials on Tuesday. This is advantageous because we will only have to check with my insurance about the ones that work.
Physical Therapy is really all I did this week, other than my awesome dinner date I had with Jessica Taylor. :) I had a great week and I really felt the hand of God working through my life.
Thank you, Lord, for all you have done for me. I give you praise for using me to help build and strengthen your kingdom!
Recently, God opened the door to the Physical Therapy Department in the HSC (Health Sciences Center) and to my new therapist (whom I love), Corrie. She is absolutely awesome and works hard with me to see progress. Then, she rejoices with me over my achievements! I don't think I could ask for a better therapist.
This past week, Corrie invited a doctor of Orthopedics to evaluate me at one of my sessions. They were discussing what kind of braces/electo-therapy to try. In the end we decided to readjust my current night splints, as well as trying a new brace to help my feet to move correctly while I'm walking. Plus, we are going to try the FES (Functional Electrical Stimulation) device on a trial basis to see if it works. We are going to start all of these as trials on Tuesday. This is advantageous because we will only have to check with my insurance about the ones that work.
Physical Therapy is really all I did this week, other than my awesome dinner date I had with Jessica Taylor. :) I had a great week and I really felt the hand of God working through my life.
Thank you, Lord, for all you have done for me. I give you praise for using me to help build and strengthen your kingdom!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
I am a Writer
I have very recently started calling myself a writer.
Why?
As a kid I always liked to write. I use to make up short, happy kid stories and memorize my favorite books so I could recite them anytime I wanted. As I grew older, I became obsessed with the word "diary" and would write page after page about nonsensical activities. I remember in 5th grade we had a weekly journaling assignment, and I actually filled my journal before the end of the school year. In High School I took Honors' English, and then AP English, and I must say that my favorite GEC (General Education Curriculum) classes in college were the English classes.
Writing and reading had become a way of life for me. Somewhere in this cancer battle I'm in I became depressed and could not even pick up a book to read for months. Also, the only writing I did was note taking for church and small groups - nothing creative or lighthearted. I use to process big emotional events by writing poems, but I couldn't even remember the last time I wrote a poem.
Until a couple days ago in the shower. All of a sudden, God blessed me with the style and some of the lines of this masterpiece (as I am calling it). I started writing and it was as if the poem wrote itself. I feel that God has broken my chains and set me free through giving me this poem.
This is HIS doing, not mine.
*Deep Breath* Well, here it is. Please Please Please comment and let me know what you think!
Why?
As a kid I always liked to write. I use to make up short, happy kid stories and memorize my favorite books so I could recite them anytime I wanted. As I grew older, I became obsessed with the word "diary" and would write page after page about nonsensical activities. I remember in 5th grade we had a weekly journaling assignment, and I actually filled my journal before the end of the school year. In High School I took Honors' English, and then AP English, and I must say that my favorite GEC (General Education Curriculum) classes in college were the English classes.
Writing and reading had become a way of life for me. Somewhere in this cancer battle I'm in I became depressed and could not even pick up a book to read for months. Also, the only writing I did was note taking for church and small groups - nothing creative or lighthearted. I use to process big emotional events by writing poems, but I couldn't even remember the last time I wrote a poem.
Until a couple days ago in the shower. All of a sudden, God blessed me with the style and some of the lines of this masterpiece (as I am calling it). I started writing and it was as if the poem wrote itself. I feel that God has broken my chains and set me free through giving me this poem.
This is HIS doing, not mine.
*Deep Breath* Well, here it is. Please Please Please comment and let me know what you think!
Desirable Death
By Stephanie Schiffbauer-Rudash
I close my eyes and then I see
She had to die. She could not be.
Her life was short, her presence long
Listen as she sings her song
She goes to play and thinks that he
Will love all that she wants to be
The music fades - does not remain
He throws her in a pit of shame
New music starts - no, not that part!
It brings her fear, and cuts her heart
She hears it change, and hopes to be
But no, it only changes keys
A man appears and then she sees
His scars of love. She’s on her knees
He sings a song of love so strong
It lifts her up where she belongs
She looks back down from up so high
Sees that her old self has died
Torn between the melodies
Of who she was, or now can be
The memory fades, it cannot be
But Jesus Christ stands next to me
His arms embrace. His lips will say
“Follow me. I know the way.”
His melody is full of heart
Sometimes it fades - no, not that part!
I cannot hear the sweet refrain
All I feel is shame, shame, shame
I cry and cry - sometimes for years
But then he takes away my fears
I know as long as I believe
He will indeed take care of me
*Note: I am planning on publicly sharing and writing prompts/poems/stories I complete in Google Drive. Feel free to stop by if you are interested in my stuff. the link to my DRIVE is HERE
I am praying for God to lead me in the direction He wants me to go - whether that's towards more writing or not.
Friday, April 19, 2013
God Answers Prayers
This year my church is collectively studying a book called, "Ashes to Fire" through the Lenten and Easter seasons, ending at Pentecost. In the first devotional you are asked to reflect about what your hopes are for the time spent with the book (or at least, that's how I used it).
Recently, I felt compelled to look back at my early reflections and this is what I read:
"Dear Father,
Please be with me as I study your word and grow closer to you.
I ask that you remind me not to put on a front, but to come to you empty so that you can fill me each and every day.
Please help me to desire you each day, I don’t want to have funk days, so please help me with this, Lord, because I can’t do it without you.
Amen."
Well, friends, God has answered my prayers! Remember my last post in which I talked about the online Bible study I am involved and how God is challenging me to let him break my walls down? Well, as you can see, that's exactly what I prayed for in February. Also, in the same bible study, we are talking about letting God satisfy and fill us each day.
Going back and reading my prayer from February and seeing how far I have come really blessed me. I have been filled with the Holy Spirit all week and felt that I might touch someone by sharing this revelation.
I've been blessed by this week's Ashes to Fire song, "He Leadeth Me." I created a slide show to go with it so I could upload it for all of you to hear :)
Have a blessed day in the Lord!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Praise Him, Praise Him, Praise Him!!!
The last couple of weeks have been pretty crazy, but let me begin with a verse that I have seen come true in my life recently
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28 NLT
Last week I skipped my PT appointment, but made it to my Neurology one. I really wasn't thrilled with this appointment. I am pretty sure I saw a resident first. When her attending physician came in she had to stop and say "excuse me, I need to teach for a minute." I was floored.
Last week I also was able to make it to church and small group. I really had a great time and enjoyed getting to see and catch-up with everyone.
THIS week I went to my new PT appointment and LOVED it! I felt like instead of doing exercises such as squats, calf raises, etc (at the last place), my new therapist has me doing more functional activities to teach my body to move the way it use to. I am very excited to go back! :)
Also, we are getting out Central Heating/Air Conditioning put in this week. Yay!
Today was my cancer center day. Great news - my Oncologist gave me a month off. No treatment this month because new studies are coming out that sound like my treatments are causing the problems I've been having. I am taking time off from the drug to work on Physical Therapy and see how much progress I can make,
Next month I will have a PET scan, and then my doctor will determine if he wants me back on this treatment. If he does, it will be at a decreased dosage.
Well... that's whats up with my life right now. I am feeling great, and I want to give God all the glory for the way this has all fallen together perfectly!
Also, please feel free to comment. I would love to read them. Just click where it says "no comments" and I have instructions listed. Love you guys!
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28 NLT
Last week I skipped my PT appointment, but made it to my Neurology one. I really wasn't thrilled with this appointment. I am pretty sure I saw a resident first. When her attending physician came in she had to stop and say "excuse me, I need to teach for a minute." I was floored.
Last week I also was able to make it to church and small group. I really had a great time and enjoyed getting to see and catch-up with everyone.
THIS week I went to my new PT appointment and LOVED it! I felt like instead of doing exercises such as squats, calf raises, etc (at the last place), my new therapist has me doing more functional activities to teach my body to move the way it use to. I am very excited to go back! :)
Also, we are getting out Central Heating/Air Conditioning put in this week. Yay!
Today was my cancer center day. Great news - my Oncologist gave me a month off. No treatment this month because new studies are coming out that sound like my treatments are causing the problems I've been having. I am taking time off from the drug to work on Physical Therapy and see how much progress I can make,
Next month I will have a PET scan, and then my doctor will determine if he wants me back on this treatment. If he does, it will be at a decreased dosage.
Well... that's whats up with my life right now. I am feeling great, and I want to give God all the glory for the way this has all fallen together perfectly!
Also, please feel free to comment. I would love to read them. Just click where it says "no comments" and I have instructions listed. Love you guys!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Are You Sure You're Fine?
Isn't is amazing when you join a Bible Study thinking it will help with a specific issue you're having, and then God shows you His plan for using the study in you life?
I have recently been struggling with doubts about going out of the house - specifically to church or small group. I was inspired to join a Bible Study through Proverbs 31 Ministries in which Renee Swoop is leading participants through her book A Confident Heart. I believed this would allow me to be more confident about leaving the house - which it has - along with so much more.
Renee talks about how we put up walls to hide how we're really feeling from everyone, including God. At first, I skipped over this part. Then I began to pray. I prayed for God to break down my walls and open my eyes. The next thing I knew, the walls being broken down were walls I didn't know existed - walls between me and God, and walls between me and myself.
Through this process, which I am still daily undergoing, I learned two things. First, that I wasn't praying genuinely to God about the many issues I am facing in my life. Sure I would pray something like, "Dear God, Please help me get through this chemo treatment (or PET scan, or PT sessions, etc)" but it was all very factual and lacking emotions. Emotions I think I've been afraid to face.
Second, I wasn't aware of my true feelings about these situations. I had always looked at the facts and faced what I needed to with a brave face. That's who I am. But it has caused me to lose sight of me. When I see myself I see a girl that has been through a lot and is as "tough as nails" as my Oncologist says. That is true, but what about this girl's heart? How does she feel about these things happening to her? I don't know, and I am that girl.
In her book, Renee says, "We put up walls and hide our struggles, even from God, hoping we'll convince Him and everyone else we're fine." I've done this so well I convinced myself.
How about you? Are you trying to convince everyone that you're fine? Have you done such a good job at it that you've convinced yourself too?
Next, Renee tells us how this pretending can cause us to lose our confident heart: "Pretending leads to hiding and isolation. What we need is someone who will pursue us and accept us even though we're flawed."
Hiding and isolation. That's what I did. Every Sunday morning or Wednesday evening, I would hide at home rather than going to church or small group - because I didn't know why my confident heart was gone, or how to find it again.
Jesus is that person who will accept despite our flaws. He is constantly pursuing us. The problem is, He can't accept us until we break down our facade and face Him with the truth.
So if you feel like something isn't gelling in your spiritual life, make sure you're not fooling yourself along with everyone else. You may discover there's something you weren't aware of holding you back.
Quotes were taken from A Confident Heart by Renee Swoop. If you would like more information about Renee and her book, please click here.
Also, if you are interested in joining a Proverbs 31 Ministries' bible study, or seeing what all they have to offer, please click here.
I have recently been struggling with doubts about going out of the house - specifically to church or small group. I was inspired to join a Bible Study through Proverbs 31 Ministries in which Renee Swoop is leading participants through her book A Confident Heart. I believed this would allow me to be more confident about leaving the house - which it has - along with so much more.
Renee talks about how we put up walls to hide how we're really feeling from everyone, including God. At first, I skipped over this part. Then I began to pray. I prayed for God to break down my walls and open my eyes. The next thing I knew, the walls being broken down were walls I didn't know existed - walls between me and God, and walls between me and myself.
Through this process, which I am still daily undergoing, I learned two things. First, that I wasn't praying genuinely to God about the many issues I am facing in my life. Sure I would pray something like, "Dear God, Please help me get through this chemo treatment (or PET scan, or PT sessions, etc)" but it was all very factual and lacking emotions. Emotions I think I've been afraid to face.
Second, I wasn't aware of my true feelings about these situations. I had always looked at the facts and faced what I needed to with a brave face. That's who I am. But it has caused me to lose sight of me. When I see myself I see a girl that has been through a lot and is as "tough as nails" as my Oncologist says. That is true, but what about this girl's heart? How does she feel about these things happening to her? I don't know, and I am that girl.
In her book, Renee says, "We put up walls and hide our struggles, even from God, hoping we'll convince Him and everyone else we're fine." I've done this so well I convinced myself.
How about you? Are you trying to convince everyone that you're fine? Have you done such a good job at it that you've convinced yourself too?
Next, Renee tells us how this pretending can cause us to lose our confident heart: "Pretending leads to hiding and isolation. What we need is someone who will pursue us and accept us even though we're flawed."
Hiding and isolation. That's what I did. Every Sunday morning or Wednesday evening, I would hide at home rather than going to church or small group - because I didn't know why my confident heart was gone, or how to find it again.
Jesus is that person who will accept despite our flaws. He is constantly pursuing us. The problem is, He can't accept us until we break down our facade and face Him with the truth.
So if you feel like something isn't gelling in your spiritual life, make sure you're not fooling yourself along with everyone else. You may discover there's something you weren't aware of holding you back.
Quotes were taken from A Confident Heart by Renee Swoop. If you would like more information about Renee and her book, please click here.
Also, if you are interested in joining a Proverbs 31 Ministries' bible study, or seeing what all they have to offer, please click here.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Lessons Learned
This week has been very enlightening for me. It has been an up and down week, but I definitely think it ended on an up. :)
These are the lessons I learned, which will pretty much sum up my week.
Lesson #1 - Don't forget to take your medicine - especially a steroid you've been on for 5 years. I realized last Sunday (March 31st) that I only had enough Prednisone for Monday and my bottle had zero refills. Monday afternoon I called my Doctor's office prescription refill line, but it apparently wasn't early enough. My dad picked up my medicine on Tuesday, but by then I had forgot I needed it in my pill planner. Wednesday came and I felt absolutely awful. I planted myself on the couch and determined I would not be moved for the day. Finally, I remembered my Prednisone, and started taking it again. Needless to say, I am feeling much better now.
Lesson #2- Don't commit to walking somewhere until you know the distance. I had a Physical Therapy consult in the Health Sciences Center with the head therapist. Instead of trying to explain to me how to get there she suggested I meet her in the Cancer Center lobby. When there, she asked if I could walk or needed a wheel chair. I, of course, professed I could walk it and if I needed assistance I could hold onto my mom. Well... We walked all the way through the Cancer center to the cafeteria, went down a hall, up an elevator, down a couple more halls........ and THEN we made it. She asked me to show her my balance work I do at home, which went horribly because my legs were tired from walking a freaking mile.
I don't remember if I mentioned how the appointment went before, but basically she's not specialized in feet therapy so I'm going back this week to meet with a colleague of hers who does know about feet.
Lesson #3 - Repetitive yelling of "Mouse!" does not make the mouse any more cooperative about being caught, nor does it make the cat any less willing to give up the mouse. Yes, we had a mouse in the house on Saturday. Mom and Dad chased Tony, who was playing with it by letting it go and catching it again, for a couple hours before the vermin was finally caught and freed outside. The mouse was only slightly injured, but the house looked like a tornado zone after moving stuff around looking for the darn thing. Haha... it was GREAT entertainment for the day.
Lesson #4 (the serious one) - Don't skip your usual quiet devotional time by convincing yourself you can do it later. Yes, in fact, you probably can do it later. But will you? I'm going to guess the answer is probably not. I was hoping for a productive day but didn't feel like opening my Bible first thing in the morning, and guess what. I did NOTHING productive. What did I do? I watched TV, watched Tony chase that mouse, played some facebook games (Farm Ville addict right here), played Little Big Planet on my PS3, and topped it off with watching "Dark Shadows" with my mom. Yes, I did do my devotions before bed, but it didn't feel the same - and it DEFINITELY made a difference to my whole day.
This week I have two appointments - the Physical Therapy appointment previously mentioned and a Neurology appointment for my feet as well. Will update with those after I figure out what's going on.
Have a great week everyone!
These are the lessons I learned, which will pretty much sum up my week.
Lesson #1 - Don't forget to take your medicine - especially a steroid you've been on for 5 years. I realized last Sunday (March 31st) that I only had enough Prednisone for Monday and my bottle had zero refills. Monday afternoon I called my Doctor's office prescription refill line, but it apparently wasn't early enough. My dad picked up my medicine on Tuesday, but by then I had forgot I needed it in my pill planner. Wednesday came and I felt absolutely awful. I planted myself on the couch and determined I would not be moved for the day. Finally, I remembered my Prednisone, and started taking it again. Needless to say, I am feeling much better now.
Lesson #2- Don't commit to walking somewhere until you know the distance. I had a Physical Therapy consult in the Health Sciences Center with the head therapist. Instead of trying to explain to me how to get there she suggested I meet her in the Cancer Center lobby. When there, she asked if I could walk or needed a wheel chair. I, of course, professed I could walk it and if I needed assistance I could hold onto my mom. Well... We walked all the way through the Cancer center to the cafeteria, went down a hall, up an elevator, down a couple more halls........ and THEN we made it. She asked me to show her my balance work I do at home, which went horribly because my legs were tired from walking a freaking mile.
I don't remember if I mentioned how the appointment went before, but basically she's not specialized in feet therapy so I'm going back this week to meet with a colleague of hers who does know about feet.
Lesson #3 - Repetitive yelling of "Mouse!" does not make the mouse any more cooperative about being caught, nor does it make the cat any less willing to give up the mouse. Yes, we had a mouse in the house on Saturday. Mom and Dad chased Tony, who was playing with it by letting it go and catching it again, for a couple hours before the vermin was finally caught and freed outside. The mouse was only slightly injured, but the house looked like a tornado zone after moving stuff around looking for the darn thing. Haha... it was GREAT entertainment for the day.
Lesson #4 (the serious one) - Don't skip your usual quiet devotional time by convincing yourself you can do it later. Yes, in fact, you probably can do it later. But will you? I'm going to guess the answer is probably not. I was hoping for a productive day but didn't feel like opening my Bible first thing in the morning, and guess what. I did NOTHING productive. What did I do? I watched TV, watched Tony chase that mouse, played some facebook games (Farm Ville addict right here), played Little Big Planet on my PS3, and topped it off with watching "Dark Shadows" with my mom. Yes, I did do my devotions before bed, but it didn't feel the same - and it DEFINITELY made a difference to my whole day.
This week I have two appointments - the Physical Therapy appointment previously mentioned and a Neurology appointment for my feet as well. Will update with those after I figure out what's going on.
Have a great week everyone!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Energy - What's that???
My energy level has been so up and down it drives me crazy. I cannot have a consistent schedule because I never know if I'm going to physically be able to do the same things every day/week/month.
This week has been an excellent example:
Monday I had an appointment with the head Physical Therapist with WVU Healthcare. I met her in the lobby at the cancer center, and then walked to the PT room (which was a longer walk than I had anticipated). We discussed everything that's happened to me, and she evaluated me. Basically, she thinks what I am doing is good (which is walking on the treadmill for 20 mins M-F and doing various leg strengthening and feet exercises). Because she is not a specialist when it comes to feet problems, she is going to discuss it with some colleagues that are specialized in that area. So I will probably be going back for another appointment to hear their opinion.
Anyhow - I had to walk back to the cancer center afterwards, and then I had to go to PetCo because my cats were out of food.
Since then I have felt like a zombie. I haven't walked or done any form of physical therapy, and I've actually been falling asleep during the day, which is unusual for me.
What's a girl to do? The only thing I can do is take it day by day and pray that my recovery time will shorten so that I can stop making backward progress (oxymoron?) during my down time.
This week has been an excellent example:
Monday I had an appointment with the head Physical Therapist with WVU Healthcare. I met her in the lobby at the cancer center, and then walked to the PT room (which was a longer walk than I had anticipated). We discussed everything that's happened to me, and she evaluated me. Basically, she thinks what I am doing is good (which is walking on the treadmill for 20 mins M-F and doing various leg strengthening and feet exercises). Because she is not a specialist when it comes to feet problems, she is going to discuss it with some colleagues that are specialized in that area. So I will probably be going back for another appointment to hear their opinion.
Anyhow - I had to walk back to the cancer center afterwards, and then I had to go to PetCo because my cats were out of food.
Since then I have felt like a zombie. I haven't walked or done any form of physical therapy, and I've actually been falling asleep during the day, which is unusual for me.
What's a girl to do? The only thing I can do is take it day by day and pray that my recovery time will shorten so that I can stop making backward progress (oxymoron?) during my down time.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Jesus is my King!
I wanted to share this video with you. It is very powerful. Also, I would like to offer up a prayer for you this weekend.
Father God,
Thank you SO much for sending your son to die for our sins. We cannot image the sacrifices made in order to bring us back to you, Lord. Your love is intoxicating, Lord - I can't get enough of it.
I ask right now, Father, that you bless those who see this video this weekend. Help them to feel the weight of what you did to save us, and the joy and honor of having Jesus as their king! Let them shout it from the rooftops. Lord. Jesus is risen, He is rised indeed!
I thank you for allowing us to take part in the celebration of Jesus' resurrection, and I ask that you make Easter a special day for us all - a day that will stand out separately than any other day.
It's all about you, God. May we never forget that,
In Jesus' name,
Amen
Have a great weekend in the Lord!
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
The Past Year 3/2012 until now.
I was just looking at my last blog on my healthy living site: the pictures of my size 18 jeans taken in December 2011. Right now they're hanging in my closet with the "too small" clothes. Along with my size 20 jeans. AND that size 12/14 shirt I had on in those pictures. In fact, my I am fighting to not have to put my size 22 jeans in with the small clothes too. I use to be so good at eating well and getting to a healthy size, and I am just now starting to get back to it.
Here's what's happened since last March 2012:
I was doing fantastic in school and finally started to believe I belonged in a department, when I became ill. I lost strength and control in some of my muscles. For example, I could not stand and laugh at the same time - I would literally fall down because my legs wouldn't hold me. It felt like they were gone. Also, if I was sitting and started to laugh I lost all control of my neck muscles. My chin would drop to my chest, and I would have to physically pick my head back up with my hands.
It gets worse. I moved home because I couldn't live alone. After a few weeks, my muscles weakened to the point that I could not cough up the sinus mucus in my throat (it was allergy season) and I stopped peeing (as in I couldn't go.) I was admitted to the hospital, given a catheter, received breathing treatments, and underwent tests (such as a spinal tap). The diagnosis was an incredibly long word that meant GVHD (Graft vs. Host disease). They started my on IV antibody therapy immediately (which I still receive once a month).
I was discharged after 4 days or so, but at home I pretty much remained in bed. I still had the catheter and it seemed to keep coming apart or finding some way to leak (I have the worst luck sometimes). Plus, my parents house does not have central air conditioning and the downstairs was unbearably hot. So I pretty much stayed upstairs in bed watching tv, reading, etc.
I believe it was at this point when I started becoming depressed and eating the worst possible foods a person can eat (I won't list them so you aren't tempted ;)).
Finally, in the beginning on July I was relieved of my catheter! yay! My family and I spend some time in our home away from home (camper at our district church camp). We went down about one weekend a month until October. Still, I continued to recuperate at home by taking things slow.
Then November came. My church had a choir for Christmas, and I wanted to participate. I went to rehearsals until I realize stairs were involved and I couldn't do it without handrails. It was at this point my mom and I discovered that I had foot drop. Basically, because I sat in bed or on the couch with my feet up all the time, my leg muscles weakened and the tendons and muscles in my achilles area shortened because I had my toes pointed all the time. I was in fact climbing stairs by pulling with my arms, and walking/standing on my toes. Uh-oh.
In December I started Physical Therapy. I did stretches and exercises at home, wore braces for 4-5 hours every day, and had personal therapy sessions 2-3 times a week when I was able to attend. I made a lot of progress at first, but then it was like we hit a brick wall. My insurance decided they wouldn't pay anymore, so I am not rehabbing myself at home.
It took a couple weeks for me to wrap my head around losing PT, but then I made a plan to do it myself at home. A better plan, i think, because I am incorporating healthy eating and strengthening all muscles, but especially my legs.
I got on the scale and realize I had gained about 45lbs in a year. That was unacceptable. So, I am now on a vegetarian meal plan that I love. Also, I need to move to rehab myself, so I walk on the treadmill (not very fast) every day and i do some of the feet exercises shown at PT as well as some Spark People strength training routines. So far I have lost 6lbs in 2 weeks.
I cannot and will not accept the person I am now as me. I need to be better physically, mentally, and spiritually. I am working on that every day
Here's what's happened since last March 2012:
I was doing fantastic in school and finally started to believe I belonged in a department, when I became ill. I lost strength and control in some of my muscles. For example, I could not stand and laugh at the same time - I would literally fall down because my legs wouldn't hold me. It felt like they were gone. Also, if I was sitting and started to laugh I lost all control of my neck muscles. My chin would drop to my chest, and I would have to physically pick my head back up with my hands.
It gets worse. I moved home because I couldn't live alone. After a few weeks, my muscles weakened to the point that I could not cough up the sinus mucus in my throat (it was allergy season) and I stopped peeing (as in I couldn't go.) I was admitted to the hospital, given a catheter, received breathing treatments, and underwent tests (such as a spinal tap). The diagnosis was an incredibly long word that meant GVHD (Graft vs. Host disease). They started my on IV antibody therapy immediately (which I still receive once a month).
I was discharged after 4 days or so, but at home I pretty much remained in bed. I still had the catheter and it seemed to keep coming apart or finding some way to leak (I have the worst luck sometimes). Plus, my parents house does not have central air conditioning and the downstairs was unbearably hot. So I pretty much stayed upstairs in bed watching tv, reading, etc.
I believe it was at this point when I started becoming depressed and eating the worst possible foods a person can eat (I won't list them so you aren't tempted ;)).
Finally, in the beginning on July I was relieved of my catheter! yay! My family and I spend some time in our home away from home (camper at our district church camp). We went down about one weekend a month until October. Still, I continued to recuperate at home by taking things slow.
Then November came. My church had a choir for Christmas, and I wanted to participate. I went to rehearsals until I realize stairs were involved and I couldn't do it without handrails. It was at this point my mom and I discovered that I had foot drop. Basically, because I sat in bed or on the couch with my feet up all the time, my leg muscles weakened and the tendons and muscles in my achilles area shortened because I had my toes pointed all the time. I was in fact climbing stairs by pulling with my arms, and walking/standing on my toes. Uh-oh.
In December I started Physical Therapy. I did stretches and exercises at home, wore braces for 4-5 hours every day, and had personal therapy sessions 2-3 times a week when I was able to attend. I made a lot of progress at first, but then it was like we hit a brick wall. My insurance decided they wouldn't pay anymore, so I am not rehabbing myself at home.
It took a couple weeks for me to wrap my head around losing PT, but then I made a plan to do it myself at home. A better plan, i think, because I am incorporating healthy eating and strengthening all muscles, but especially my legs.
I got on the scale and realize I had gained about 45lbs in a year. That was unacceptable. So, I am now on a vegetarian meal plan that I love. Also, I need to move to rehab myself, so I walk on the treadmill (not very fast) every day and i do some of the feet exercises shown at PT as well as some Spark People strength training routines. So far I have lost 6lbs in 2 weeks.
I cannot and will not accept the person I am now as me. I need to be better physically, mentally, and spiritually. I am working on that every day
Sunday, March 10, 2013
God Timing
Once again, I have been slapped in the face with the truth that God's timing might not match up with mine.
For months (about the end of January) I have been occasionally messing with how to play .wma files on my MacBook Pro. I felt led to listen to missed sermons posted on my church's website via podcast. So, every few days or so I would Google search it, try a different method/program, and give up after a half hour or so of failure. I was beginning to think maybe I wasn't meant to hear them.
This week was incredibly hard for me. I had to have my "nerve" medications increased because I've been feeling down, and having more panic attacks. I was finally starting to feel good about this past week, and then...
Monday - It turns out my medical insurance doesn't think I'm making enough progress for Physical Therapy, so they have refused to pay, and I was "graduated" from PT. I have had several breakdowns about how to continue progressing at home, and I know that I will have to keep trying different methods until I find a routine that works for me.
Tuesday - I had a consultation with an Oral Maxilla facial surgeon to have my wisdom teeth removed. He refused to do it because of all of my medical problems. Frustrated - I found out in January I needed them out, and now I can't find someone willing that will work with my needs. *sigh*
Rest of the week - continued attempts at self rehabilitation at home. There were tears and anxiety meds because I'm not sure about what I'm doing.
Here's the cool part.
Yesterday I finally found a free program to play those .wma files. I listen to the first sermon I had missed, and it was like God was speaking to me with love from the week I had.
It was about hardships. Everyone goes through them, and a lot of people have construed preconceptions about them.
The truth is: how we deal with hardships reveals how we really think about God.
Do we expect God to make everything go our way? Job 2:10b "Shall we accept good from God, but not trouble?"
Hebrews 12:7a "Endure hardship as discipline."
So the question is: Do I allow spiritual hardship to cripple me? Or cultivate me?
My prayer is that everything I do answers "cultivate."
What about you? When you have a bad week/day.moment are you going to let it tear you down and wonder why God is letting this happen, or are you going to get back up and ask God to cultivate you to be the person He created you to be?
For months (about the end of January) I have been occasionally messing with how to play .wma files on my MacBook Pro. I felt led to listen to missed sermons posted on my church's website via podcast. So, every few days or so I would Google search it, try a different method/program, and give up after a half hour or so of failure. I was beginning to think maybe I wasn't meant to hear them.
This week was incredibly hard for me. I had to have my "nerve" medications increased because I've been feeling down, and having more panic attacks. I was finally starting to feel good about this past week, and then...
Monday - It turns out my medical insurance doesn't think I'm making enough progress for Physical Therapy, so they have refused to pay, and I was "graduated" from PT. I have had several breakdowns about how to continue progressing at home, and I know that I will have to keep trying different methods until I find a routine that works for me.
Tuesday - I had a consultation with an Oral Maxilla facial surgeon to have my wisdom teeth removed. He refused to do it because of all of my medical problems. Frustrated - I found out in January I needed them out, and now I can't find someone willing that will work with my needs. *sigh*
Rest of the week - continued attempts at self rehabilitation at home. There were tears and anxiety meds because I'm not sure about what I'm doing.
Here's the cool part.
Yesterday I finally found a free program to play those .wma files. I listen to the first sermon I had missed, and it was like God was speaking to me with love from the week I had.
It was about hardships. Everyone goes through them, and a lot of people have construed preconceptions about them.
The truth is: how we deal with hardships reveals how we really think about God.
Do we expect God to make everything go our way? Job 2:10b "Shall we accept good from God, but not trouble?"
Hebrews 12:7a "Endure hardship as discipline."
So the question is: Do I allow spiritual hardship to cripple me? Or cultivate me?
My prayer is that everything I do answers "cultivate."
What about you? When you have a bad week/day.moment are you going to let it tear you down and wonder why God is letting this happen, or are you going to get back up and ask God to cultivate you to be the person He created you to be?
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Get Out of Your Funk
Lately I've been in a Funk - as in a 4 week, slowly digressing funk. This funk has taught me some lessons that I have learned before, and will probably need to be reminded of again. Let me explain the kind of funk I am talking about:
This is the funk in which you wake in the morning ready to go with a great plan on how you're going to be productive, make God time long enough to spend time basking in His presence, and attend church group, etc. Then Satan attacks your mind, and maybe even your body. You didn't complete your daily devotionals (perhaps didn't even attempt them) because you got caught up in some trifle of a thing. You definitely did not go to your fellowship event, and you might not have even fully accomplished the other items on your agenda. Finally, you go to bed, vowing to play catch-up tomorrow and do double - not with God's help, of course, because you're too ashamed to face him.
Tomorrow comes and you start out good, but then you do something stupid, and you don't start with prayer (you're still ashamed), so you think it's okay to move to the living room with the TV, game system, computer, etc. and eventually end up putting down your Bible and devotional materials for something "more entertaining."
On Sundays and small group days things happen that make it easy to skip - sure a couple times you might have a legitimate reason (ill, bad weather), but not every time. Those other times Satan is whispering "You're tired, and it's so early. Wouldn't it be better to stay home and save your strength for the week coming up?" Satan is so good you think it's your idea, so you stay home.
Some days you do better and get your God time in there, and maybe even whisper a quick, unsure prayer, but other days your skip again because somehow Satan has made it through again.
Anyone else know what I mean?
Well, I have something to say about that:
"Out of difficulties grow miracles." - Jean de La Bruyere
I read that today, and stopped to let it sink in.
Then I prayed "Lord, make me a miracle."
Make me a miracle because if I stay in this funk any longer I won't survive. It;s about remembering where I was spiritually and mentally when I felt incredibly close to God, and finding that routine again: the place without distractions for your God time, the priorities to manage your time, and the Saturday night/Sunday morning routine so you will have no excuse to miss church. It's that simple.
Oh - and one more thing: PRAY. It cannot be overstated. Had I swallowed my pride and kept in communication with God, it might not have taken me so long to recognize Satan and send him packing. Don't forget to pray, and don't forget to praise God when He answers your prayers. In fact, praise Him before He answers your prayers too.
"So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God's wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Note: If you would like to comment click on the drop down box that says "Google Account." Select the one that says "Name/URL" and type your name - a URL is not required. Type your comment in the box and then post it.Thanks!
This is the funk in which you wake in the morning ready to go with a great plan on how you're going to be productive, make God time long enough to spend time basking in His presence, and attend church group, etc. Then Satan attacks your mind, and maybe even your body. You didn't complete your daily devotionals (perhaps didn't even attempt them) because you got caught up in some trifle of a thing. You definitely did not go to your fellowship event, and you might not have even fully accomplished the other items on your agenda. Finally, you go to bed, vowing to play catch-up tomorrow and do double - not with God's help, of course, because you're too ashamed to face him.
Tomorrow comes and you start out good, but then you do something stupid, and you don't start with prayer (you're still ashamed), so you think it's okay to move to the living room with the TV, game system, computer, etc. and eventually end up putting down your Bible and devotional materials for something "more entertaining."
On Sundays and small group days things happen that make it easy to skip - sure a couple times you might have a legitimate reason (ill, bad weather), but not every time. Those other times Satan is whispering "You're tired, and it's so early. Wouldn't it be better to stay home and save your strength for the week coming up?" Satan is so good you think it's your idea, so you stay home.
Some days you do better and get your God time in there, and maybe even whisper a quick, unsure prayer, but other days your skip again because somehow Satan has made it through again.
Anyone else know what I mean?
Well, I have something to say about that:
"Out of difficulties grow miracles." - Jean de La Bruyere
I read that today, and stopped to let it sink in.
Then I prayed "Lord, make me a miracle."
Make me a miracle because if I stay in this funk any longer I won't survive. It;s about remembering where I was spiritually and mentally when I felt incredibly close to God, and finding that routine again: the place without distractions for your God time, the priorities to manage your time, and the Saturday night/Sunday morning routine so you will have no excuse to miss church. It's that simple.
Oh - and one more thing: PRAY. It cannot be overstated. Had I swallowed my pride and kept in communication with God, it might not have taken me so long to recognize Satan and send him packing. Don't forget to pray, and don't forget to praise God when He answers your prayers. In fact, praise Him before He answers your prayers too.
"So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God's wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Note: If you would like to comment click on the drop down box that says "Google Account." Select the one that says "Name/URL" and type your name - a URL is not required. Type your comment in the box and then post it.Thanks!
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Rest in the Lord
Yesterday was a pretty bad day.
I went to Physical Therapy for the first time after missing a week due to a cold. My therapist said she would take it easy on me since it was my first day back, which she did. I, however, had other plans. I have this mentality to push, and I sometimes work my muscles to fatigue without realizing I need to slow down. By the time I was at my last exercise (stepping up on a stool) I wasn't managing it too well. As I was leaving, my exhausted legs were needing more attention than I was giving... so I tripped over my own feet and fell in the floor. I caused a big scene, and I was (and still am) mad at myself.
I happened to have saved some of my devotional readings for after PT. I read this, "God is superhuman, tireless, and all-powerful. Yet what did He do after creating the world? He rested. Let that sink into your brain. God. Rested. He didn't need to rest. but He purposefully took the time to step back, cease working. and enjoy His creation, If an all-powerful being made time to rest, that should speak volumes to us mere mortals... You need to focus on 'human,' once in a while, and not so much on 'race.'"
Wow.
God will give us the resources, strength, and desire to accomplish what we need to accomplish. We don't need to overwork ourselves to speed things up. Take it from me - when you try to make things go faster than God intends, he will grab your attention, and maybe in a not so subtle way say, "SLOW DOWN."
Prayer and quiet time is the way to know God's pace. Prayer is crucial, as we all know, but so is sitting quietly resting in His presence - allowing Him to speak to us and show us what He wants to show us.
I've realized I need to make more time for this. Do you?
I went to Physical Therapy for the first time after missing a week due to a cold. My therapist said she would take it easy on me since it was my first day back, which she did. I, however, had other plans. I have this mentality to push, and I sometimes work my muscles to fatigue without realizing I need to slow down. By the time I was at my last exercise (stepping up on a stool) I wasn't managing it too well. As I was leaving, my exhausted legs were needing more attention than I was giving... so I tripped over my own feet and fell in the floor. I caused a big scene, and I was (and still am) mad at myself.
I happened to have saved some of my devotional readings for after PT. I read this, "God is superhuman, tireless, and all-powerful. Yet what did He do after creating the world? He rested. Let that sink into your brain. God. Rested. He didn't need to rest. but He purposefully took the time to step back, cease working. and enjoy His creation, If an all-powerful being made time to rest, that should speak volumes to us mere mortals... You need to focus on 'human,' once in a while, and not so much on 'race.'"
Wow.
God will give us the resources, strength, and desire to accomplish what we need to accomplish. We don't need to overwork ourselves to speed things up. Take it from me - when you try to make things go faster than God intends, he will grab your attention, and maybe in a not so subtle way say, "SLOW DOWN."
Prayer and quiet time is the way to know God's pace. Prayer is crucial, as we all know, but so is sitting quietly resting in His presence - allowing Him to speak to us and show us what He wants to show us.
I've realized I need to make more time for this. Do you?
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
Book quote from: "God always has a Plan B" There is not a specified author.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Surrendering Your Waiting
Lessons from Hannah
(from Small Group meeting 1/23/13)
Scripture: 1 Samuel 1:1-20
This blog will discuss:
Waiting for a "yes" from God
Dealing with irritating situations or people
Surrendering everything to God
Overview
Hannah was married to Elkanah and desperately wanted to give him children; however, God "closed Hannah's womb," sticking her in this period of waiting. Peninnah, Elkanah's other wife had no difficulty bearing children, and she rubbed this is Hannah's face. One day at a feast, Peninnah jests Hannah to tears, and Hannah runs out of the meal to pray. During this prayer, Hannah poured her heart to God, surrendering everything she had - even her unborn child she was still unsure she would receive. Eli, the priest, saw her and blessed her saying, "May the God of Israel grant the request you have asked him." Hannah soon had a son, Samuel, and she surrendered him back to God by giving him to Eli.
My Lessons
This lesson really rang true for me. I feel it is something I have experience in, but could always use more. Who couldn't?
I've been waiting to be cancer free for almost 3 years. The only explanation I can come up with is that God isn't done using this situation in my life to glorify Him. If I had been healed after my first set of chemotherapy, sure I would have touched some lives with my story, but not as many as I have today (and they touch me right back). Also, I wouldn't have needed to take a reprieve from college, and I probably wouldn't be as involved in my church or as close and devoted to God as I am today. I definitely wouldn't be finding the time to do this right now. What are you waiting for? How might focusing on today bless you and help you grow closer to God? Is focusing on what you're waiting for holding you back?
Quick Shout Out to my Pierpont COTN Ladies. You ladies inspire me to be more Godly each day. I enjoy every small group and event I am able to attend with you and am excited to be a part of such a wonderful supporting group. I'm also excited to have some of the Morgantown First COTN ladies join us. The more the merrier!
Dealing with irritations is another area that hits home. Sure the commitment that comes with fighting a cancer is irritating in itself, but I've dealt with that. What is irritating to me now is my feet/legs/ While I was in bed for 4 months dealing with GVHD issues, my leg muscles atrophied and I developed drop foot (basically, it's difficult for me to flex my ankles and I walk on my toes). I am going to physical therapy for this, and my therapist says I am making progress... Some days I feel like I'm moving back to where I started rather than forward. I keep telling myself that even if I take 2 steps forward and 1 step back, I still made forward progress. The answer to all this irritation - prayer. It really helps. Some days when I'm feeling down I ask God for His strength and peace right now, and I can feel a difference. How about you? Do you have the courage to ask God to help you? Or would you rather wallow in your irritation?
I think Surrender is something in which we all constantly struggle. Sure we may have successfully surrendered whatever we needed to a couple years ago, but what about now? What about daily? Do you surrender each and every day to God? I know I don't. Some days it's like pulling teeth for me to say "make this day yours, Lord." Other times I get it out, but then later when I'm being selfish or short-tempered, I realize I lost my surrender focus. The good news is that we can repent and start again after each time we fail. We don't even have to wait for a new day - just apologize to whoever you need to, repent to God, and ask Him to help you to do better,
Dear Father,
Thank you for always being there for us. Thank you for answering our prayers both in the past and in the future. We want to place our full trust in you for our futures. Help us to let go of the uncertainty of tomorrow and focus on how we can glorify you today, Lord. Help us to be content with the physicality of our lives. Give us the strength to stop looking "there" to whatever we want and to dwell with you "here."
I pray specifically for women out there who are struggling with infertility. Please give them your peace that no one understands, God, and guide them down the correct path for their lives - whether that be adoption, fertility treatments, or whatever else, God.
Help us to surrender whatever it is we're waiting on, Lord. Help me to surrender my feet to you, Father. Let my sisters willingly place their waiting into your hands and trust you to take care of whatever it may be, God.
Thank you, Lord, for being with us while we wait, even when we may not feel you. Please continue to hold us in your arms and dwell with us each day in the present.
I ask for your blessings on all of us, and I pray all these things in the name of Jesus.
Amen.
Credits: This lesson came from the book "Twelve Women of the Bible" by Lysa Terkeurst and Elisa Morgan, Jeanne Stevens, Amena Brown, Naomi Zacharias, Jonalyn Fincher
If you are interested in doing this small group study you can order online. The publisher is Zondervan.
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