Jesus is my King!

I wanted to share this video with you.  It is very powerful. Also, I would like to offer up a prayer for you this weekend.

Father God,

Thank  you SO much for sending your son to die for our sins.  We cannot image the sacrifices made in order to bring us back to you, Lord.  Your love is intoxicating, Lord - I can't get enough of it.

I ask right now, Father, that you bless those who see this video this weekend.  Help them to feel the weight of what you did to save us, and the joy and honor of having Jesus as their king!  Let them shout it from the rooftops. Lord.  Jesus is risen, He is rised indeed!

I thank you for allowing us to take part in the celebration of Jesus' resurrection, and I ask that you make Easter a special day for us all - a day that will stand out separately than any other day.

It's all about you, God.  May we never forget that,

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Have a great weekend in the Lord!

The Past Year 3/2012 until now.

I was just looking at my last blog on my healthy living site: the pictures of my size 18 jeans taken in December 2011. Right now they're hanging in my closet with the "too small" clothes. Along with my size 20 jeans. AND that size 12/14 shirt I had on in those pictures. In fact, my I am fighting to not have to put my size 22 jeans in with the small clothes too. I use to be so good at eating well and getting to a healthy size, and I am just now starting to get back to it.

Here's what's happened since last March 2012: 

I was doing fantastic in school and finally started to believe I belonged in a department, when I became ill. I lost strength and control in some of my muscles. For example, I could not stand and laugh at the same time - I would literally fall down because my legs wouldn't hold me. It felt like they were gone. Also, if I was sitting and started to laugh I lost all control of my neck muscles. My chin would drop to my chest, and I would have to physically pick my head back up with my hands. 

It gets worse. I moved home because I couldn't live alone. After a few weeks, my muscles weakened to the point that I could not cough up the sinus mucus in my throat (it was allergy season) and I stopped peeing (as in I couldn't go.) I was admitted to the hospital, given a catheter, received breathing treatments, and underwent tests (such as a spinal tap). The diagnosis was an incredibly long word that meant GVHD (Graft vs. Host disease). They started my on IV antibody therapy immediately (which I still receive once a month). 

I was discharged after 4 days or so, but at home I pretty much remained in bed. I still had the catheter and it seemed to keep coming apart or finding some way to leak (I have the worst luck sometimes). Plus, my parents house does not have central air conditioning and the downstairs was unbearably hot. So I pretty much stayed upstairs in bed watching tv, reading, etc. 

I believe it was at this point when I started becoming depressed and eating the worst possible foods a person can eat (I won't list them so you aren't tempted ;)). 

Finally, in the beginning on July I was relieved of my catheter! yay! My family and I spend some time in our home away from home (camper at our district church camp). We went down about one weekend a month until October. Still, I continued to recuperate at home by taking things slow. 

Then November came. My church had a choir for Christmas, and I wanted to participate. I went to rehearsals until I realize stairs were involved and I couldn't do it without handrails. It was at this point my mom and I discovered that I had foot drop. Basically, because I sat in bed or on the couch with my feet up all the time, my leg muscles weakened and the tendons and muscles in my achilles area shortened because I had my toes pointed all the time. I was in fact climbing stairs by pulling with my arms, and walking/standing on my toes. Uh-oh. 

In December I started Physical Therapy. I did stretches and exercises at home, wore braces for 4-5 hours every day, and had personal therapy sessions 2-3 times a week when I was able to attend. I made a lot of progress at first, but then it was like we hit a brick wall. My insurance decided they wouldn't pay anymore, so I am not rehabbing myself at home. 

It took a couple weeks for me to wrap my head around losing PT, but then I made a plan to do it myself at home. A better plan, i think, because I am incorporating healthy eating and strengthening all muscles, but especially my legs. 

I got on the scale and realize I had gained about 45lbs in a year. That was unacceptable. So, I am now on a vegetarian meal plan that I love. Also, I need to move to rehab myself, so I walk on the treadmill (not very fast) every day and i do some of the feet exercises shown at PT as well as some Spark People strength training routines. So far I have lost 6lbs in 2 weeks. 

I cannot and will not accept the person I am now as me. I need to be better physically, mentally, and spiritually. I am working on that every day

God Timing

Once again, I have been slapped in the face with the truth that God's timing might not match up with mine.

For months (about the end of January) I have been occasionally messing with how to play .wma files on my MacBook Pro.  I felt led to listen to missed sermons posted on my church's website via podcast.  So, every few days or so I would Google search it, try a different method/program, and give up after a half hour or so of failure.  I was beginning to think maybe I wasn't meant to hear them.

This week was incredibly hard for me.  I had to have my "nerve" medications increased because I've been feeling down, and having more panic attacks.  I was finally starting to feel good about this past week, and then...

Monday - It turns out my medical insurance doesn't think I'm making enough progress for Physical Therapy, so they have refused to pay, and I was "graduated" from PT.  I have had several breakdowns about how to continue progressing at home, and I know that I will have to keep trying different methods until I find a routine that works for me.

Tuesday - I had a consultation with an Oral Maxilla facial surgeon to have my wisdom teeth removed.  He refused to do it because of all of my medical problems.  Frustrated - I found out in January I needed them out, and now I can't find someone willing that will work with my needs.  *sigh*

Rest of the week - continued attempts at self rehabilitation at home.  There were tears and anxiety meds because I'm not sure about what I'm doing.

Here's the cool part.

Yesterday I finally found a free program to play those .wma files.  I listen to the first sermon I had missed, and it was like God was speaking to me with love from the week I had.

It was about hardships.  Everyone goes through them, and a lot of people have construed preconceptions about them.

The truth is: how we deal with hardships reveals how we really think about God.
Do we expect God to make everything go our way?  Job 2:10b "Shall we accept good from God, but not trouble?"
Hebrews 12:7a "Endure hardship as discipline."

So the question is: Do I allow spiritual hardship to cripple me? Or cultivate me?
My prayer is that everything I do answers "cultivate."

What about you?  When you have a bad week/day.moment are you going to let it tear you down and wonder why God is letting this happen, or are you going to get back up and ask God to cultivate you to be the person He created you to be?