Praise be to God!

A lot has happened since my last post. I apologize for the delay in posting, but I have been very busy. Here is what has been going on:

Cancer update: I had my PET scan last Wednesday, May 22nd. I woke up that morning feeling God's presence and hearing scriptures roll around in my head. Scriptures such as "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." So I called my mom upstairs and we prayed together. I have been reading in my devotional about praying God's promises back to him because he will not go back on something that is already been promised. There for that is what I did. I prayed scriptural promises including " where two or three are gathered in my name..." " by his wounds we are healed" and the one previously mentioned.
The scan results show that the 3  diseased spots I have left are less active and smaller. My doctor is leaving me off of treatments so that I can focus on physical therapy. I will re scan in 3 months unless something crazy happens before then. Praise God! It is completely through His will and His glory that he has healed me to this point and I deserve no credit whatsoever.

Physical therapy: PT has been going great! I can see great improvements in the movement I have with my ankles and stamina in my balance and walking. Might therapist says she can see a great improvement each session, and I feel more confident and going out and socializing with others.

Non-medical life:  well not at therapy or doctors appointments I have picked up a new hobby - inspired by my best friend, Angela. What is it you ask? Crochet. I used to do it to pass my free time in middle school and high school, and decided to pick it back up again. Here are some pictures of what I am currently working on. 

I also just started a lapghan for my dad's birthday, but it is not progressed enough to show a picture of it :-)

I hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend. Mine was a blast! we went to Summersville and had a cookout with our neighbors there. Made some great memories and got a bad sunburn lol.

Until next time.

It's a Good Thing Humans Aren't God

Have you ever became uncontrollably frustrated with someone because it seems they won't listen to your advice, and they keep making the same mistakes, putting them right back where they started?  Well, I have.  Sometimes I get so frustrated I want to take the person and shake them - so you should be thankful I am not God.

God loves us so much and is so patient with us that it doesn't matter that I'm about to try this intimate quiet devotion and prayer time for what seems like the billionth time.  I try to carve out my quiet time first thing in the morning.  I pray, read my Bible, and read some of whatever Bible Study book I am participating in at the time - or I might journal if I feel like it.  However, Satan is cunning and deceiving.  Occasionally I decide to have quite time in the living room so that I don't go back to sleep on the bed.  This living room has my computer with super easy access to Facebook, the big screen TV with Xfinity OnDemand waiting to play my favorite shows I have missed, and my PS3, along with a stack of my favorite games that are begging me to play them for hours upon hours.

So I compromise.  Satan says, "It's okay.  You won't be able to focus on God with your mind stuck on electronics, so go ahead.  You have all day to have your quiet time."  In reality, I have all day to Facebook, watch TV, and play games - usually that time in the morning is the best devotional time I can get all day.

Satan does such a good job at this that I don't even notice what's happening until I feel different - disconnected from God.  I go to pray and suddenly I'm at a loss for words because I know I've messed up again and the only person to blame is me.  I know that if the roles were reversed I would be fuming with frustration and 2 seconds from saying "don't even try anymore because it's not worth it."

Praise God because instead He says, "It's okay.  Let's try again, and let me help you even more this time.  We will get it someday."

Micha 7:18-19
     "Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance?  You do not stay angry forever, but delight to show mercy.  You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea."


Dear Father,
     If there is someone reading this who has fallen back to an old habit away from you, Lord, please give them the strength to throw it away and to call on your name to try again.  They may not get it this time either, Lord, but you are a God of mercy and forgiveness.  You will help them until they get it right.
I ask this all in Jesus' name.
Amen.

Sometimes I'm a Big Chicken

I pride myself on being a tough girl - "tough as nails" as my Oncologist puts it.  Sometimes the attributes in which one takes pride is the undoing of that person.

The PET scan I was scheduled for today ended up with lots of tears, rescheduling, and then ice cream from Sonic at the end.  I chickened out, plain and simple.  Why?

I am about to tear down a wall I usually put up, so this may be a new side of me for some people.

I fail myself - a lot.  Sometimes all of my medical issues I've been having for 6 years really gets to me and makes me depressed.  Sometimes I look into the future and see nothing because there is still no visible end to this vicious cycle called cancer.  Usually it doesn't get to me, but when it does I put up a wall with a smile on it to hide the cracks in my composure.

Today was one of those failure days.  Normally PET scans do not have an affect on me, and it wasn't the PET scan I feared. It was the unknown - what the results would bring.  I haven't had a treatment in 2 months, and I have made SO MUCH progress in physical therapy.  Everyday my therapist tells me she sees an improvement, and I see it too.  I have more stamina, I can stand without always needing to hold onto something, etc.  Suddenly there's more hope in being able to do normal things than ever before.

And then the PET scan.  History has shown that whenever Im off a treatment something happens to make the cancer grow/spread and I have to go back on treatments.  My treatment is at least part of the reason I'm in physical therapy for Neuropathy, balance, intrinsic weakness, etc.

That unknown I am afraid of is what will happen if I'm put back on that treatment? Or, even still, what will happen if I'm left without treatment?

I'm not trying to play the "what if" game - I'm a believer of "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it," but I don't want to have to cross it. I'm desperately looking for a detour around this bridge,  Unfortunately there is none to be found.

Great, but Exhausting Week

I have never felt more blessed by God than I did this week.  Between my two AWESOME small groups and the way God worked my week out for me, I cannot be happier or praise Him more!

The week started pretty sucky because I started getting a sore throat (which usually takes me out for  week or more). Thank God I was better enough by Tuesday to go to my PT appointment to try out the new braces and electro devices they had for me.  I was skeptical about the braces from past experience, but it actually turned out well.  I am now waiting for an appointment to have them shaped specifically for me.  The function of the brace is to help me pull the front of my foot up while I walk so that they don't drag and make me trip.

I also received an empi device for electro therapy.  It is designed to stimulate my nerves and muscles so they strengthen and respond better to the signals from my brain when I'm trying to flex my feet.  So far I have used it twice a day with some slight involuntary toe/foot movement.  Right now I  am on a trial basis with this device. If we decide it helps, hopefully my insurance will pay for it. If not, I bet it's a very very pretty penny.

In addition, I know she doesn't read this, but my therapist, Corrie, is really awesome.  I came to her this week asking about working it out for me to go to Summersville this weekend, and she worked it out with no problem! She is awesome, and God couldn't have found a better person for me to be working with right now.

Friday was a great night,  I will add the video to prove it soon.