Are You Sure You're Fine?

Isn't is amazing when you join a Bible Study thinking it will help with a specific issue you're having, and then God shows you His plan for using the study in you life?

I have recently been struggling with doubts about going out of the house - specifically to church or small group.  I was inspired to join a Bible Study through Proverbs 31 Ministries in which Renee Swoop is leading participants through her book A Confident Heart.  I believed this would allow me to be more confident about leaving the house - which it has - along with so much more.

Renee talks about how we put up walls to hide how we're really feeling from everyone, including God.    At first, I skipped over this part.  Then I began to pray.  I prayed for God to break down my walls and open my eyes. The next thing I knew, the walls being broken down were walls I didn't know existed -  walls between me and God, and walls between me and myself.

Through this process, which I am still daily undergoing, I learned two things. First, that I wasn't praying genuinely to God about the many issues I am facing in my life.  Sure I would pray something like, "Dear God, Please help me get through this chemo treatment (or PET scan, or PT sessions, etc)" but it was all very factual and lacking emotions.  Emotions I think I've been afraid to face.

Second, I wasn't aware of my true feelings about these situations.  I had always looked at the facts and faced what I needed to with a brave face. That's who I am.  But it has caused me to lose sight of me.  When I see myself I see a girl that has been through a lot and is as "tough as nails" as my Oncologist says.  That is true, but what about this girl's heart?  How does she feel about these things happening to her?  I don't know, and I am that girl.

In her book, Renee says, "We put up walls and hide our struggles, even from God, hoping we'll convince Him and everyone else we're fine."  I've done this so well I convinced myself.

How about you?  Are you trying to convince everyone that you're fine?  Have you done such a good job at it that you've convinced yourself too?

Next, Renee tells us how this pretending can cause us to lose our confident heart: "Pretending leads to hiding and isolation.  What we need is someone who will pursue us and accept us even though we're flawed."

Hiding and isolation. That's what I did.  Every Sunday morning or Wednesday evening, I would hide at home rather than going to church or small group - because I didn't know why my confident heart was gone, or how to find it again.

Jesus is that person who will accept despite our flaws.  He is constantly pursuing us.  The problem is, He can't accept us until we break down our facade and face Him with the truth.

So if you feel like something isn't gelling in your spiritual life, make sure you're not fooling yourself along with everyone else.  You may discover there's something you weren't aware of holding you back.




Quotes were taken from A Confident Heart by Renee Swoop.  If you would like more information about Renee and her book, please click here.

Also, if you are interested in joining a Proverbs 31 Ministries' bible study, or seeing what all they have to offer, please click here.